Jeff: It is unfair introducing a fish with a built-in fan base into our Top 10. Look, I like clownfish as much as the next guy who’s seen Finding Nemo. But this guy? Eh. First of all, what’s up with the spelling of his name? Seems fishy to me. Imagine Clark Kent as “Clarkii Kent.” Jeez, talk about blowing your cover. An experienced investigative reporter, Lois Lane would have certainly picked up on Clarkii’s alien vibe.
Royce: I think it’s pronounced Clark-key, like the Nintendo Wii. And, of course a clownfish will make the Top 10: it’s a pop culture icon!
9. LAWNMOWER BLENNY
Jeff: Wow, this is going to be harder than I thought
Royce: Reader, you must excuse Jeff, he is still grieving.
Jeff: The Lawnmower Blenny was my first: my first saltwater fish, and (bursting into tears) …
Jeff: … my first dead saltwater fish. I do owe Blenny Kravitiz (RIP) a dept of gratitude. He’s the reason I now put the lid on my tank each night before leaving the office.
Royce: I think the sheer ugliness of the Lawnmower Blenny is what attracted you to him. That is why he made number nine in our Top 10!
8. ROYAL GRAMMA
Royce: I love the Royal Gramma. I’ve been secretly jealous ever since you put one in your tank.
Jeff: I was secretly mad my boss recommended this nocturnal fish. Had I known he was a night owl, I never would have purchased him. But he’s adapted; at first he was a bit coy (not koi, folks) during the day, and would stay hidden behind the live rock. Now he darts in and out of the cave system like nobody’s business. Some Royal Gramma highlights, if you’re interested in getting one: they’re very unique swimmers. I’ve caught ours cruising around the tank upside down, sideways and vertically. He also scares our Domino Damsel by opening his mouth so wide it looks like he’s unhinged his jaw. I liken it to Imhotep in The Mummy movies.
7. MIDAS BLENNY
Royce: Remember that time I had my hand in your tank and King Midas bit me?
Jeff: Wait, what were you doing with your hand in my tank?
Royce: That is beside the point. The Midas Blenny earned my respect the instant he swam off with a piece of my flesh dangling from his mouth.
Jeff: Serves you right for sticking your hand in my tank.
Royce: Orange eye, long fin, super thin, sand bed, nuff said.
5. PISTOL SHRIMP
Royce: I think readers may disagree with our decision to include an invert in a “Top 10: Marine Fish” list. Even though the Pistol Shrimp is not a fish, it does deserve to be here. Especially since his AWESOME counterpart, the Yasha Hase Shrimp Goby, is here, too. What is Bill without Ted?
Jeff: That was a most excellent observation, Royce.
Royce: Thank you, Jeff.
Jeff: Hey, remember that time you got a Pistol Shrimp and put it in your tank … and before it even made it to the bottom, your damsel ate it? Ha ha. That sucked, dude … I’m sorry.
Royce: Yeah. That was totally bogus.
4. PRINCESS PARROT FISH
Jeff: I don’t own a parrot fish, but I heard you can teach them to talk. Is that true?
Royce: I’m training mine to talk, but I suspect he may suffer from Polynesia.
Random Noise: Ba-doom-CHA!
3. PINNATUS BATFISH
Royce: One fish, two fish, red fish, Batfish.
2. LONGHORN COWFISH
Royce: When I first laid eyes upon the cowfish, I instantly fell in love. Basically a floating box with a tail. Can it get any better?
Jeff: It can’t, Royce, it sure can’t. Besides being our sister site’s (MarineDepotLive.com) official mascot, this guy is cute as a button. Unfortunately you can’t go Longhorn Cowfish tipping, otherwise he’d be higher on the list.
1. WARTSKIN FROGFISH
Royce: Jeff and I can agree this fish rocks! Show them the picture, Jeff.
Jeff: Boo-yah! We unofficially named our web designer’s frogfish Kurt Angler. Although, after witnessing it eat his cleaner shrimp, I’d like to propose that we rename him “Whiskers.”